Round 5 - Scintillating Saints Massacre Mediocre Manurewa

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Tuesday, 6 October, 2009

The township of Manurewa awoke monday morning to the news that their beloved AFL side had been slaughtered by the Mount Roskill Saints.

On a day that depicted an irish winter, the Saints boys sat in the changing rooms listening to a heartfelt Liam "lost boy" Ackland as he told of his unloving parents who had condemned him to the streets after a small tea party had got out of hand, and how he would be playing today for his supper so he could have a full tummy. After hearing this his team mates took the field with steel in their eyes and fire in their soul .

As the ball went up, the Saints took control, with the first goal being pumped home by Brendan "sugerfoot" Clark and soon followed by Ben "booom-chuga-lugga" Kairua, the scoreboard seemed to be rolling over faster than Brunty's mum, as the Saints cruised into quarter-time with a 50 point buffer.

The second quarter started a little slower as the Roskill side started trying push kicks that weren't on and crowding the forward 50 with so many men that it resembled Zac's girlfriend's room on a friday night , but as time moved on the Sainters restored the fluid structure of the first 20.

At halftime Matthew "chuck" Kemp showed the unpredictability of a man on crack as he moved backman Ian "human radar" Graham on to the ball and fullback Tom "trailer-park" Sheenhan (who's body was being held together by nothing but stitches and strapping tape) into the forward line. While most of the team (and crowd) found humor in the switch it proved a genius stratagy which saw Tom bag a double, both from 5m out and each one as ugly as the last. But his glory was short lived as coach Kemp once again rang changes at 3 quarter time.

By now the Saints were 130 points up and had the Raiders as scoreless as Dave "O.D" Kay on a saturday night in the cross. Saints tactical analyst Peter "bingo" Boyce set the team a target of 5 goals for the last 20 and the boys set to work about reaching it. Saints first island import Simi "the samoan smasher" Ioane proved his worth with some trademark tackles and Lewis "flippa" Hurst made some probing runs through the centre. But it was the athleticism and courage of Tabe "pegleg" Voigt who captured the hearts and admiration of both raiders and saints fans alike. After a horrific achilles injury and strict instructions from a doctor not to play beacuse of the risk of early retirement or even death, Tabe defied the odds to dominate the forward line and top the score sheet.

The siren finally sounded, ending the torture for Manurewa who managed just 1 point leaving the saints with a huge 153 point win. Next week the mighty Mount Roskill saints tour to Waitakere where they will be hoping to drown the magpies in holy water.

This week's roving reporter's best on ground:
- Tabe "Baby Shower" Voigt 3 points - great goals , great heart
- Dave "the tower" Kuss 2 points - made opposite look like a school kid
- Murphy "the stone" 1 point - was like a human wrecking ball, invaluable

Seniors
Mt Roskill 23 . 16 154 def Manurewa 0 . 1 1

Reserves
Mt Roskill 11 . 5 71 def Manurewa 2 . 0 12

Other Results:
Seniors
Waitakere 7 . 14 56 def Nth Shore 2 . 3 15
University 14 . 17 111 def Takapuna 1 . 2 8

Reserves
Nth Shore 4 . 13 37 def Waitakere 5 . 5 35
University 14 . 9 93 def Takapuna 0 . 4 4