Round 8 - Saints Stumble, But Still Standing - Mt Roskill Saints Auckland AFL FC

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Wednesday, 4 November, 2009

The only thing worse than losing to the Uni Blues is finding out you’re related to your girlfriend. That said I’m sure a few of the Saints men would have gladly locked lips with their sister to reverse Sundays score line. The fixture everyone had pumped up as the game of the round, soon turned out to be a dud.

Uni, realising that their premiership chances were in jeopardy from the mighty Saints, brought back old timers Todd Taverna and Steve "Froggy" Froggatt. And it worked from the first ball up. Playing with a strong wind Uni scored first... and second... and third.

Times looked grim for the pride of Mt Roskill until player-coach Matt "Hit-man" Kemp found Brendan "Promotion?" Clark who sent the first Saints goal over. But three missed goals proved costly as by the time the first hooter went off the Saints were down 8 goals to 1.

In the huddle the players new something wasn’t quite right. Some say it was Tom "Diggler" Sheenan’s pre game shenanigans, allegedly making love to 2 women at once the night before. Others say it was Liam "Possession" Ackland who turned up walking slightly gingerly and sporting love-bites on the back of his neck. But whatever it was it had affected the Roskill slickness we have all come to love and admire.

The second quarter didn’t fair much better as the score line pushed further away from the Saints.
One sight that was missed was that of Tabe "Ball-on-a-string" Voigt who after kicking 15 goals in two games managed just one lonely 6 pointer. Since his early amazing form rumours of drugs and group sex have plagued the star but the Saints faithful will be hoping for a strong tail end of the season from Tabe to help get them home.

By halftime the game looked to be over with Uni stretching their lead out further. The team once again looked for Peter "Choice" Boyce to rally the team, but not even he could light the spark that was needed.

To the third quarter and things went from bad to worse as not only the margin extended, but for the second time against Uni Dave "2 weeks" Kay was removed from play. In a disgusting show of poor sportsmanship the University ruckman head-butted Dave’s knee, but questionable umpiring saw the Roskill captain sitting on the sideline.

With one man down the game was over but the Saints last quarter left Uni with something to think about. Even with an extra player the Blues were only able to score one goal in 20 minutes, it seemed to take losing their captain to put some fire in the belly of the Saints. Coach Kemp put in some brutal bumps, all of which left he or the player he bumped staying down and Sime "Bula" Ione showed who the best Tongan player in the comp is with some great defensive work. While Uni won on the scorecard, the Saints proved in the last quarter that the premiership is theirs if they want it. They also learnt Uni are a bunch of softies who don’t like the physical stuff and so will be looking to employ some bullish tactics in their next encounter come the playoffs.

The Sainters look hungry and it looks like eagle is on the menu as they travel to Parrs Park (not Onepoto as per the league's fixtures) to play Takapuna next Sunday.......Roving Reporter out.

Roving Reporters Best On Ground

1 point - Chris "The frame" - No nonsense new recruit showed signs of brilliance with the ball in hand and touches of BANG in defence.

2 points - Ben "Is there a doctor in the house" Jansen - the devilishly handsome backman worked hard all day, and when I saw him throwing the elbows I got movement in my pants.

3 points - Lewis "Put you in a hurst" Hurst - after being demoted from captain some thought his career was over, but played as hard as ever for his team when they needed it.

SAINT SUPERSTAR SIT DOWN - LEWIS HURST

Lewis - pronounced Loo-iss. It is of English origin meaning "renowned fighter".

Hurst - car used in a funeral to transport the deceased.

This depicts the man perfectly. A man who will fight for his team and leave his opposition in a less than healthy state. After losing the captaincy earlier in the season after 2 years in charge Hurst threatened to walk away from the team unless his match payments were increased 300 percent. But it seems to have been worth it as he has shown his class and "enforcer" attitude in every game. And while his big hits draw the local crowds, it’s been his off field lifestyle that has made the headlines. After finishing his schooling he traveled abroad to grace the catwalk in Milan as a fashion model. However the coke-driven way of life soon saw his career spiral out of control, and after losing his contract with Maybelline, soon plummeted back to earth and back to New Zealand. With money running out he had little option but to try out for the Mount Roskill saints and was signed for a reported NZ$27 + 1 beer per game. He has since blown up into a AFL superstar representing Auckland and New Zealand. To describe Hurst in one word it would be - really really good.

R.R - G'day Lew, how’s the body after Sundays game?

L.H - Its really good aye, do you want to touch my shoulders?

R.R - No thanks, how do you get them so big and strong?

L.H - Well you know I have to be honest with you, 80 percent of its genetics, but I also like to go to the gym and do pump classes, they’re great.

R.R -What sportsman/woman do you most admire?

L.H - It would have to be Cathy Freeman, I’m actually part aboriginal myself.

R.R - Bullshit.

L.L - No really, my mothers, grandmothers, sister was full aboriginal.

R.R - Any tips for youngsters wanting to play AFL?

L.H - Try to work hard, and don’t be afraid to try steroids, they can really help your game. It can also help to have a strong jaw line and mile-wide shoulders like me.

R.R - Thanks Lewie, good luck for the season.

Round 8 Results - 1st Nov 09

Seniors
Manurewa 1. 1. 7 v Waitakere 24. 13. 157
Takapuna 10. 9.69 v North Shore 1. 11. 17
Mt Roskill 3. 7. 25 v University 15. 19. 109

Reserve Grade
Manurewa 5. 7. 37 v Waitakere 9. 8. 62
Takapuna 2. 3. 15 v North Shore 6. 8. 44
Mt Roskill 11. 5. 71 v University 5. 5. 35