Preliminary Final - The Last Hurrah - Mt Roskill Saints Auckland AFL FC

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Friday, 4 December, 2009

The Last Hurrah

Firstly I would like to apologise for the late installment of this weeks report. My shrink advised me to wait a couple of days before putting my thoughts to paper as what would have been etched would have been filthier than, that’s right, Zac’s mother.

The day started well with the biggest turn out of the year, but the reserves went down for the second week in a row, putting them out of the finals. The even worse news for the Seniors was that Mike "Chuckles" Boyce, his Father Peter "The Light" Boyce and several others had ran themselves into the ground and still had another game to get through.
As usual the ever handsome Umpire Rob, in his tight orange shirt got things underway with a sweetly timed underarm toss, Dave "All Star" Kuss got his hand to the ball and things started moving in the right direction for the Saints. The one problem they had was getting the small red ball though the middle of the four big sticks.
By The end of the first quarter the score line read Saints 1-6 to Waitakere's 2-2. Some say it was lack of training, others say it was putting Richard "The Boot" Horsley up at full forward. Horsley plays hard and is a man to fear around the centre, but he was unlucky enough to be born with two left feet (both of which were ghastly and disfigured).
The Saints in the second quarter failed to gain momentum and jogged into the half as tied up as Clarky’s mothers karma sutra classes. The second half saw valiant efforts from Tom "Hi Dad" Sheenan and Ben "Bonanza" Jansen in the defensive line, who kept the Magpies in check but up the front the radar was still off. Even sharp shooter Ian "Hieeeya" Francis was shooting as straight as Liam Ackland. As the moral started going down faster than Dave "House Party" Kay on ecstasy, the Roskill men knew this was there last hurrah.
For the second week in a row the standout of the second half was Umpire Joel, he found the semi final a fit place to try out his x-ray vision to see though Jimmy "Wheres Watchy" Simmons and call him for a throw, among other horrific calls.
While the final score read a 20 point win to Waitakere, the Saints can’t feel too hard done by as their efforts to make training and commitment to the team didn’t warrant a shot at the trophy. However they must take heart out of the high points of the year such as winning the pre season lightning cup, the thrashing of Waitakere in the 6th round and the fact that Peter "Pan" Boyce and Lewis "Holyfield" Hurst weren’t injured too badly so will be able to front up to play again next year.
This weekend the second and final BONANZA of the year takes place at Dave Kay’s house and things will get messy. This will be a great opportunity to prepare for next year by bonding the team tighter than Adam "Jub Jub" Brunt’s butt cheeks.
For the last time this year fellows - Roving reporter out............

R.R Best on ground

1 point - Ian "Mo" Graham - this man has improved out of sight, it seems growing a mo has made him feel more of a man and it shows.

2 points - Richard "Clubfoot" Horsley - seeing big Rich miss from two feet out was the most entertaining thing I have seen this season

3 points - Tom "The Fist" Sheenan - Playing in front of Dad for the first time this year, he chose the last game of the season to be at his best. While most of the Saints would have been disappointed, T.S can keep his head held high. The Saints will look for a big performance this weekend at the Bonanza.

From all the Saints men and myself a big thanks to Coach Matt "Grey" Kemp for his huge effort at coaching this year. Rumor has it he had invented several training drills that have been bought by Collingwood for a large amount of money but couldn’t implement them as there was never enough players at training. Also to Bede "The Pen" McCarthy who would easily take out manager of the year (if there was such an award) and others like Manasi "soft touch" Salvi, Peter "Dad" Boyce and Ian "The Man" Francis who without their help the Saints would not exist.